A journey

I have so much to write about and I want to be so candid and real all of these emotions that I don’t know when I’ll actually get to post this blog, but hopefully it’s sooner than later. I try not to be a downer in here because I don’t want people to know me as that, but the truth is I’m a pretty emotional person. It’s something I’m learning to love about myself. Anyway, if this ends up being too real for some people reading this, I’m very sorry, I just want all the “stuff” to be out there… Good and bad. I want to be able to remember this and let it help me grow as a person. I know it’ll be hard to write and maybe read later, but it’s real.

Anyway that being said I want to talk about the realities of infertility and the journey Nate and I have been on for the last three years. As you know, we learned that we would not be able to have kids with out reproductive help about a year, year and a half ago, so we got a dog and started on our way with adoption. After not being able to afford adoption in our first visit we set off trying to be better able to afford it. A year later we re-applied after a really odd prompting that told us we should. To be prepared for this we quickly found a wonderful apartment, in the basement of truly wonderful people, and then… We entered a 5k for infertility, just to support the cause.

We showed up that morning… With four humans on our team… And one omnipotent God. We finished the race at just over 30 minutes, I believe, and waited to hear them call the names of the raffle winners. (A friend of mine in high school was there and I really wanted her to win, I mean they were practically giving away babies!!!) The prizes were two free in vitro cycles, and eight half off in vitro cycles from various reproductive centers. To my surprise the third or fourth person the called out was my friend!! Out of pure joy laughed, so happy for her. She truly deserved it.

The air was starting to get tense as everyone (1100 runners) started wondering if their names were going to be called. Nate was tense, holding back tears… He later shared with me that he was thinking to himself he was leaving there crying one way or another.  I turned to Carrie and told her how happy I was for Janae, and we started making a plan for the next year… How we’d get more runners so we could win… And then Carrie screamed. And it hit me… They called out “The Farr’s!!!” That’s us!!!

I was so shocked nothing had even hit me until I saw Nate, as they were trying to take our picture. He was bawling and I realized. “This is the best chance we have at being parents!”

We left in true amazement and called our friends and family to tell them our great news.

That was in August, October and November were fabulous months as well as many of out friends and  family members started donating to us. We received the blessing of being served and though at times it feels embarrassing that we needed that help, we are SO GRATEFUL for all the loving people who have helped us get where we are! It means so much to us, even “the smallest” of donations, meant so much to us as we knew so many were sacrificing all that they could for us. So just a small shout out to everyone who helped us in any way! It means so much to us and we hope to repay you in some way or another!

So then we started in vitro.

Blood draws and needles and ultrasounds (and pretty much everything I’m scared of) all coming at me. And it’s been intense. The emotions of it all, and the help from all the wonderful people have meant so much to me. The birth control (they put you on it to start regulating your cycle,) made me into a mess. I saw a deer get hit by a car near our house, and I called Nate in tears. Now with the injections I’ve been doing nightly I am a wreck. I cry reading blogs, I feel bloated, and ornery and then I’m laughing out loud by myself, at myself.

We get news almost daily from out dr, some not so good. Like today… We found out I’m over stimulated by all the drugs now and I have fluid in my lining that makes it so they can’t implant the eggs… If it doesn’t all clear up by the next couple of days we have to freeze all the embryos and try implanting in a few months. Ugh. Not something I want to do.

Anyway, overall we’re very excited as tonight is the last night of my injections… Good thing because my body can’t take many more I’m pretty sure. Were so grateful for this process and I’ll post some more tomorrow hopefully about the rest of the process.

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